At least I have never

The home of schadenfreude, where you can take comfort in the fact that no matter what your most hideously embarrassing moment was, there is always something worse that has happened to someone else and you can rest safe in the knowledge that at least you have never done that.

Monday, November 27, 2006

at least I have never... discovered that my parents are into S&M

At least I have never agreed to go with some friends, just for a laugh, to the Torture Garden, a well known S&M club in London. After a few drinks at mine for dutch courage, off we head in our finest PVC. Upon arrival we spend about half an hour in awe of the various outfits and carryings-on already in full flow. Then we spot a woman dressed head to toe in dominatrix gear, with a man dressed as a gimp on a lead, walking in front of her on all fours and being whipped. The couple look strangely familiar. And then suddenly my stomach drops about 50 feet as I realise that they are in fact my parents. I flee the club and never speak of it, but to this day cannot look them in the eye.

at least I have never done that. but i do know someone who has :(

posted by zuzula @ 6:32 AM  

9 Comments:

  • At 9:26 AM, Blogger dormerportal said…

    This has never happened to me either but I did once encounter my parents "having intercourse" although it was only years later that I realised that was what they were doing. The thing that really sticks in my memory most was that they were both wearing vests, must have been a chilly day or something

     

  • At 10:19 AM, Blogger zuzula said…

    ah, comfy sex! although that probably doesn't give much comfort to you...

    an ex of mine walked in on his mum and stepdad at it. she was moaning and he thought the stepdad was attacking her... :(

     

  • At 8:20 PM, Blogger shitfaced said…

    I don't think mine are into S&M, but dad's always been into more than one woman. When he was still married to mum he was sleeping with his current wife, and while he's been with her (for some 25 years now), there has been an endless line of women going through his bed. I was 10 when I busted him at 4am about to take his secretary back to her house - he'd wait till my brother and I were in bed, picke her up, fuck, and then take her back. Five years later, we were living overseas, stepmom flew back to homeland for two weeks and the next day the same secretary arrived for a holiday. Sometimes I think I make these things up and have to ask my brother if they really happened. They did. All of this gave a fabulous context for the talk that dad gave to me on monogamy when I was 15 - same year as secretary's visit! But no, he's not into S&M.

     

  • At 3:24 AM, Blogger zuzula said…

    your dad sounds like quite a one! did the wife ever find out about the secretary?

     

  • At 2:06 PM, Blogger shitfaced said…

    Apparently not. Six years ago dad and I went to dinner in Spain, then he wanted to go and see if a 'friend' was working at another 'restaurant'. The 'friend' turned out to be a stripper, and the 'restaurant' the scummiest strip joint I've ever seen - and I've seen a few... I got propositioned by six smackie hookers in an hour.

    Then there was the time dad and I went 'clubbing' in South America. I left at midnight, to wake up at five when dad stumbled in. I never asked what he got up to, but when I left, he was dancing with four girls younger than me. It wouldn't surprise me if one day I have a stepmom young enough to be my daughter.

     

  • At 12:59 PM, Blogger havemycake said…

    my parents think of anal sex and mastrubation as both racy and wrong (I have overheard). somehow, don't think i'm in danger of this one anytime soon...

     

  • At 10:21 PM, Blogger shitfaced said…

    Racy and wrong... Sums up my whole life.

     

  • At 6:14 AM, Blogger zuzula said…

    racy and wrong... what a brilliant combination ;)

     

  • At 12:00 PM, Blogger Tiny Tones said…

    Surely 'racy and wrong' is an oxymoron.

     

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