At least I have never

The home of schadenfreude, where you can take comfort in the fact that no matter what your most hideously embarrassing moment was, there is always something worse that has happened to someone else and you can rest safe in the knowledge that at least you have never done that.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Busted

At least I have never gone to Stringfellows with some work mates and got absolutely slaughtered. At the end of the night there's an 'auction' and the highest bidder gets to take one of the lapdancers home for the night (classy). I have taken quite a shine to one particular dancer and so decide to tell her, in mindblowingly graphic detail, exactly what I intend to do with her when I win the auction and book the pair of us into a hotel for the night. Unfortunately my phone is in my pocket and the keyboard isn't locked... so I am leaving my drunken letchery on the family ansaphone. I only discover this when I lose the auction and get home to find my car smashed in with a hammer and my clothes all over the front garden.

Serves you right, mate.

posted by zuzula @ 5:39 AM  

7 Comments:

  • At 6:17 AM, Blogger george said…

    whoops!

     

  • At 7:35 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    Ouch...

     

  • At 7:16 AM, Blogger zuzula said…

    yes, not one for the faint hearted but quite funny...!

     

  • At 5:17 PM, Blogger fake adult said…

    Good work.

    I mean about the car.

     

  • At 6:24 PM, Blogger Tiny Tones said…

    At least I have never kept a blog chronicling the life of an Aussie teacher/trashbag working in a posh girls' school in England, only to have that blog located and read by my students. Blog's address then had to be changed and made invite only, which is a total fucking disappointment. Email then had to be sent out to everyone invited to read the blog. If you've been missed, please email indulgenta@yahoo.com.au, identify yourself and she'll add you on.

    At least I've never done that. Or have I?

     

  • At 6:54 PM, Blogger fake adult said…

    At least I've never snorted the cremated remains of a relative. I've snorted a lot of things in my time, but at least I've never snorted that. But Keith Richards apparently has. (I don't know how to link to the story in the comments section.)

     

  • At 1:31 PM, Blogger fake adult said…

    At least I've never cultivated a 'friendship' with a B-grade celebrity just so I can get close to B's A-grade superhot celebrity friend. At least I haven't given myself a year to achieve this goal. But, I know someone who is doing exactly this, and I salute this person. The whole thing is brilliant, in fact (or 'awesome', to borrow a favourite line from the B-grader) and we all wait for results with abated breath.

    At least I've never done that, but in a way I wish I had.

     

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