At least I have never

The home of schadenfreude, where you can take comfort in the fact that no matter what your most hideously embarrassing moment was, there is always something worse that has happened to someone else and you can rest safe in the knowledge that at least you have never done that.

Friday, May 04, 2007

The one where you are a credit to your company

At least I have never gone to a business awards dinner dressed as an escort/wag wannabe with skin painted the colour of creosote ... got so hideously drunk that when the nominees were announced I screamed like a banshee when my company's name was mentionned but loudly boo-ed every other nominee ... burst into tears when we lost ... had to be consoled by two colleagues whilst screeching incoherently about the unfairness of it all ... repeatedly stole the pink champagne that the other half of the table had bought with an ungrateful 'seeing as you fackers won I'm sure you wont mind sharing the champagne' ... had my dress slip further to the side throughout the night so that it was inevitably only a matter of time before my boob fell out ... fell over and took a chair with me so that it crashed into the neighbouring table ... plonked myself upon a random man's lap until he was forced to snog me ... and was last seen lurching towards the toilets.

At least I have never done that ... but I did mind 'sharing' my pink champagne.

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