Busted

At least I have never gone to Stringfellows with some work mates and got absolutely slaughtered. At the end of the night there's an 'auction' and the highest bidder gets to take one of the lapdancers home for the night (classy). I have taken quite a shine to one particular dancer and so decide to tell her, in mindblowingly graphic detail, exactly what I intend to do with her when I win the auction and book the pair of us into a hotel for the night. Unfortunately my phone is in my pocket and the keyboard isn't locked... so I am leaving my drunken letchery on the family ansaphone. I only discover this when I lose the auction and get home to find my car smashed in with a hammer and my clothes all over the front garden.

Serves you right, mate.