language barriers

At least I've never confused the name of the town I'm staying at overseas with the word 'cunt' in that country's native tongue, and on the same day confused my forehead with my foreskin. At least I've never done that, but my poor confused country boyfriend in the not-so-big smoke of rural Finland did yesterday.

The one where you are a credit to your company

At least I have never gone to a business awards dinner dressed as an escort/wag wannabe with skin painted the colour of creosote ... got so hideously drunk that when the nominees were announced I screamed like a banshee when my company's name was mentionned but loudly boo-ed every other nominee ... burst into tears when we lost ... had to be consoled by two colleagues whilst screeching incoherently about the unfairness of it all ... repeatedly stole the pink champagne that the other half of the table had bought with an ungrateful 'seeing as you fackers won I'm sure you wont mind sharing the champagne' ... had my dress slip further to the side throughout the night so that it was inevitably only a matter of time before my boob fell out ... fell over and took a chair with me so that it crashed into the neighbouring table ... plonked myself upon a random man's lap until he was forced to snog me ... and was last seen lurching towards the toilets.

At least I have never done that ... but I did mind 'sharing' my pink champagne.

Oops I did it again ...

Chavvy mother has teen daughter.

Teen daughter has first boyfriend and falls in love.

Mother shags daughter's boyfriend behind daughter's back ... for seven months.

Daughter finds out ... tears and heartbreak ... mum and daughter both break up with daughter's boyfriend.

Eventually daughter gets new boyfriend. Mother shags daughter's new boyfriend.

Tears and heartbreak.

Mother then shags daughter's first exboyfriend again.

Think its safe to say someone wont be getting a mothers day card next year *ahem*.