the virgin sacrifice

At least I've never been a single mum in my late thirties, with a 15-year-old son. We live in a small rural town, and so, because I'm a good mother with high hopes for my son, I send him away to a bigger town with a better school. My son goes to live with a friend of mine, also a woman in her late thirties. My hopes and dreams for my son are crushed when my friend proceeds to have an affair with him, and eventually falls pregnant. She has just had the baby, and the father has just turned 17.

At least I have never done that. And if I ever face the situation, I will be very wary of friends looking to deflower my offspring.

a sticky finger (not to mention filthy)

At least I've never left the pub so drunk that I didn't notice one of my fingers was missing (although this has more to do with me not losing a finger to date than anything else...) until well on my way home. To add to the humiliation, the hospital had to ring the pub, where staff found the missing digit in the toilet. At the time of writing, the finger is waiting to be reattached. Bleurggh.

At least I've never done that. On the other hand...

Anyway, full story may be found here. If I'd been the pub staff member to find it, I would have flushed it.