at least I have never gone to a work Christmas do...

... got monumentally drunk and fallen asleep on a railway line on the way home . Priceless.

(although I did once get very friendly with a colleague who I then had to fire shortly afterwards. Not one of my finest moments)

At least I have never...

Accompanied my dad (who is very senior in his company) to a work dinner with his very senior colleagues and a new client who has flown from overseas just to meet my dad. Had rather more wine than I ought and then decided that new client is in fact, rather attractive. So proceeded to play footsie with him under the table, in a very rigorous manner, for a very long time. And been completely ignored by new client who is in fact married. Dad never did find out why new client suddenly took his business elsewhere.

this story was actually told to me by the new client.

At least I have never... pulled a hideous man who tried to get into bed with my flatmate after we'd had sex and then stole her iPod on the way out

I don't have the strength to revisit this sorry tale. But you can find it here

I've been a victim of my own schadenfreude.

(oh - check the brilliant comment from Silverfox, proving that it really is never too late to change your mind about someone!)